Monday, October 25, 2010

What is Wrong With Me?!

Soooooooooooo.... I've been chonicling my issues with headaches on Facebook and Twitter for over a month now, so I figure this is the easiest place to update everyone on what was found. About a month and a half ago I had a really bad sinus infection. It was treated with steroids and antibiotics, but after about a week, I started noticing I was having daily headaches above my eyes. Because of the location, I thought it was still the sinus infection so, I went back to the doctor. Another round of steroids and antibiotics, and I still was having headaches, and now pressure in my cheeks and dizziness.

I went back to her on Friday, and she sent me for a sinus CT. Today I got the results of the CT. Aside from a deviated septum and some sort of cells in my sinuses (neither of which are causing a blockage), nothing showed as wrong.

She's recommended that I go see an ENT, and she gave me a prescription for migraine meds, an anti-dizzy med, and a light narcotic. I'm highly uncomfortable with medicating for something we don't know. She also mentioned that she thinks I'm stressed. No crap. Yeah, I'm more stressed at work than ever before (which I won't go into detail about on the internet). She also recommended a week's vacation... yeah... I can see that going down well. More stress to take one than to stay at work.

I'm hesitant to go straight to the ENT because of the tests they'll run, so I've scheduled an appointment at the chiropractor. I'm going to see her tomorrow and see what she says.

Right now I feel pretty hopeless. I feel like I need to cut anything extra from my responsibilities to see if that relieves stress. I've always taken on leadership roles and headed commities and such, and I've felt that was a God-granted talent, but now I see myself having to put that on the side. I know I'm internalizing stress, but what else do I do with it? Shove it down or.... I don't even have some sarcastic remark or joke to put there.

So here's what I need:
1. Prayers. Lots of them. For things to get easier. For the pain to stop.
2. To continue to find the ability to smile and laugh despite all this. Today I've been crying for about an hour now because I'm so frustrated. I like smiling and don't want to lose that. I joke when I'm stressed. I like people around me laughing. :D
3. Friends who love me when I whine and watch my non-verbal signals. I don't have the ability to joke at my expense right now. Usually I do, but right now I can't. Read the signs people.
4. Support me when I say "no".
5. To figure out how to decrease my stress without stopping my life. I do internalize a lot, but the biggest part of the issue is that I care A LOT. I put my heart and soul into my work. I love deeply. I work hard. I share too much. ;-) I'm passionate, and I think that passion has become a zeal that has put too much stress on my plate.

That's all. What's wrong with me? According to my CT: nothing that should cause these symptoms. According to my head: everything and nothing all at once.