Black Friday

It's almost 3pm, and it feels like it should be midnight! Wowza.

I got up this morning around 5:45 and was out the door and to Staples by 6:15! I ordered a new laptop a couple of days ago, so I found Office 2007 for $59.99 there, and I wanted to make sure I got a copy. I severely underestimated the crowds that would be at Staples. The lines were quite long but not ridiculous... until the woman 5 people in front of me had issues with how her printer was ringing up. (Oh yeah, this is after a couple cut in front of me in line, but I didn't want to have a Black Friday Altercation, so I just decided to stay calm, enjoy my day of shopping, and let them stay ahead of me since they were obviously in a bigger hurry than I!) Manager comes up, settles the issue, leaves, and irate shopper lady decides to continue arguing the SAME issue with the cashier again! 30 minutes later (I refused to go to another line figuring this one would start moving soon...) -- they move persistent annoying shopper lady to the front desk with the manager. When I left 10 minutes later, she was still there. Hun, the sales are great... give up your argument!

OK, so it's about 7:15 and drizzling rain when I get to Toys R Us (after a quick stop to feed Paul and Jennifer's cats). Before you pass me off as totally insane for going there on Black Friday, hear me out. I used the million and five (ok maybe a few less) credit card points I had accumulated to get gift cards to do Christmas shopping this year, and Toys R Us was just one of them. So I'm on the phone with my parents as I'm trying to get a parking place. It was in a HUGE puddle and "right out from the middle of nowhere" (as I told my mother when she helpfully reminded me to note where I was parked out from), but it was a parking place. I ignored the crowds and slowly and carefully hunted for the perfect gifts for Katelyn and Joshua. I found them (not telling!) and went to check out. I kid you not -- the line was wrapped around the entire store all the way to the back of the store, but it moved fast because unlike Staples, they had one line that fed to the registers, so problems at one register wouldn't stop a TON of shoppers. I loved this check out experience! It was great!

On to Bed, Bath, and Beyond! Here was a lot less crowded than other places. I found wonderful gifts for Mom, Dad, and LaRae (gift cards for spending again), but it took me a LONG time bc I kept going back to other things trying to decide. Anyhoo -- BBB was uneventful if you don't count the fact that when I left and put my bags in my car, I was really starting to feel panicky that I'd spent sooooo much money today, but then I told myself it was gift cards, so I calmed down. It's nice to spend money that isn't out of my paycheck. :)

Again, amazed at how early it was, I went on to Barnes and Noble. I cleaned my garage last night and found a gift card for there that a student had given me for Christmas last year! Rock on! So I was able to get the Twilight Movie Companion I've had my eye on for a while, and I have some money leftover on the card for the Tales of Beedle the Bard when it comes out! Yea!

It was almost 10 by that time, so I decided to go home and bone out the chicken that I'd cooked in the crock pot. Yum! I'll make something yummy for dinner tonight.

Then I decided it was time to go to the mall. Gasp! I went to see the 11:15 am showing of Twilight (2nd time I've seen it, but I deserved a treat). Here's another pic for all of you Rob Pattinson fans -- it's he hot??

After that I hit Lane Bryant for the buy one, get one sale (biggest sale I've seen there EVER). I actually called my mom before I went in and after I left. All I was getting was 2 pairs of jeans. I actually walked toward something maroon and sparkly and said "no" out loud! I'm still really learning to control my spending addiction, so it was actually nice to have the support. :) I did it too! I just got 2 pairs of jeans!

Anyways, so it's now 3:15-ish, and I've been all over and done so much today! It's really quite insane. I'm trying not to nap, so that I can go to bed early tonight and get a good night's sleep. Hope you all had a Happy Thanksgiving and fun Black Friday!

I Rescued a Human Today

I don't normally post these email forwards, but this one brought a tear to my eye. In some ways, Sprinkles rescued my life (even though he wasn't from a shelter...).

Her eyes met mine as she walked down the corridor peering apprehensively into the kennels. I felt her need instantly and knew I had to help her. I wagged my tail, not too exuberantly, so she wouldn't be afraid.

As she stopped at my kennel I blocked her view from a little accident I had in the back of my cage. I didn't want her to know that I hadn't been walked today. Sometimes the shelter keepers get too busy and I didn't want her to think poorly of them.

As she read my kennel card I hoped that she wouldn't feel sad about my past. I only have the future to look forward to and want to make a difference in someone's life.
She got down on her knees and made little kissy sounds at me. I shoved my shoulder and side of my head up against the bars to comfort her. Gentle fingertips caressed my neck; she was desperate for companionship.

A tear fell down her cheek and I raised my paw to assure her that all would be well. Soon my kennel door opened and her smile was so bright that I instantly jumped into her arms. I would promise to keep her safe. I would promise to always be by her side. I would promise to do everything I could to see that radiant smile and sparkle in her eyes. I was so fortunate that she came down my corridor. So many more are out there who haven't walked the corridors. So many more to be saved. At least I could save one.

I rescued a human today.

10 Things I'm Loving at this Moment

1. The phrase "Aunt Joanna... I wuv you!" I can't hear that enough.
2. Joshua wanting to cuddle with me. It's going to be a bummer when he's too old to cuddle with his aunt. For now though I'll cuddle just as long as he wants!
3. Katelyn wanting to cuddle with me. Reading stories with her or combing her hair while we watch "Dancing with the Stars" are little memories I'll always cherish.
4. Eating dinner at home or at my sister's house with her family. Not spending the time driving to a restaurant and then waiting for a table, waiting to order, waiting for our food, waiting to pay, and driving home takes a lot of the crankiness out of the kids and leaves a lot more time to play. :) It's giving me more cheap quality time being the "cool" aunt.
5. My sister time... lately it's been a drive home together from church or a drive to Bunco together, but it's those times when I get to talk to LaRae without children distracting either of us that I get some great bonding time in.
6. My bro in law being cool with me being over and playing with the kids a lot. It makes a difference to have him actually mention something to the kids about how lucky they are to have their aunt around to play with. It makes me feel more a part of the family and much less like the lonely bother that I sometimes feel like. :)

OK I'll move out of the family stuff now.

7. Learning how to spend money wisely. Hi. My name is Joanna and I'm a shopaholic. No seriously, I'm fully admitting it now and am working on it. I've taken the Becky Bloomwood stance of MMM or CB (make more money or cut back). I've chosen (or life has chosen for me) to CB. After a week I'm already really learning that I don't need to go buy things to feel better about myself.
8. My puppy dog. OK I always love him, but Sprinkles has been extra cuddly and fun lately.
9. My job. I have to keep reminding myself of this. I love the challenge of teaching Geometry even if sometimes it's stressful. I have always felt that I was put on this earth to teach, and even when it's stressful (which it's really been lately), I need to lift my head, find my joy again, and focus on being the best I can be at what I do.
10. My DVR. Petty. Worldly. I know. I don't care! I LOVE my DVR. I love not being tied down to my TV but always being able to catch my shows. I love the random surprises that my series recordings catch like new "Jonas Brothers: Living the Dream" 5 minute segments. It's ok. I'll admit I love JB! lol.

I have more, but I thought it would be good to share a nice even 10 tonight. I need to start blogging with pictures again soon. Oh well. Stop for a moment and think about the 10 things you're loving at this moment. :)

Putting Lives on the Line

Have I ever told you about my good friend Paul? He'll do anything for his friends, and I mean ANYTHING!

Tonight we had a slightly humorous occurrence. I took Sprinkles out around 10 pm for a quick walk, and when I walked out my door and across the street, I noticed a 2 ft by 2 ft box covered in white paper. On the box was written "STOP AND LOOK", and it appeared to have holes in it. After staring at it for a while I decide not to approach it, but I do start looking all over the place for the people who must be Punking me. Not a soul is around; I hear no quiet laughter; I see nothing but the now hugely freaky box. Look people, it's the post-9/11 era. People shouldn't leave oddly marked, wrapped packages around without a clear purpose!

So I walked Sprinkles elsewhere in the complex and came home. Fearful that LaRae and Randy were already asleep, I decided to call Paul. He lives close, and I knew he and Jennifer would be catching up on their DVR stuff tonight. Yeah, so I relay the info about the box to him, and he agrees it's freaky. However, I don't want to call emergency maintenance (bc the last time I did it was for a weird chemical smell in my apartment, and they thought I was insane, but I thought I was going to die in my sleep from breathing the strange gas), and I'm scared to call 911 for fear of a policeman yelling at me for being silly. Without hesitation Paul says he'll be over shortly.

I decided to go outside to wait for him, so I grabbed my broom (so we could poke the box), and I hunted for a safe spot to duck behind while Paul poked the box. I found a minivan nearby and decided that was a sturdy enough spot that maybe a bomb wouldn't kill me... Looking back, I think I was still too close. Anyways, Paul arrives with a flashlight (super smart since I forgot to tell him the box was right under a streetlight) and a baseball bat -- while it was sturdier than my broom, it wasn't as long. Did I mention my first fear wasn't a bomb but something live (bc I thought there were holes in the box) and dangerous?

At this point you're probably thinking, "Joanna, go to bed and leave it alone!" Well I'm not that person. What if it was dangerous, and I didn't do anything about it, and someone got hurt?! I'd never forgive myself. It HAD to be investigated for the people of my complex!

In all fairness, I've left out another part too. On the hydrant across the street from the box is an arrow with a sign saying Labradoodles will be "on sale" this weekend. Coincidence though, I'm sure...

Back to Paul and the baseball bat! So I was laughing like crazy bc I just know I'm being insane, and it's probably nothing. Paul is looking at me like I'm insane for laughing (mostly bc I think at that point he was praying but counting on being blown up). He actually told me that he thought I needed to be further away for this (him poking the box) -- which also made me laugh, but I did run behind my newly staked out minivan.

So Paul began the exploration of the box. He examined it from all sides. Nothing. He did stop to look around for the people punking us like I did (again I laughed bc I knew he was listening for quiet laughter from the bushes too). He poked it. Nothing. He then told me to get behind the van better. He rolled it over -- with the bat. I braced for the explosion. Nothing. Hm. I was starting to get a little sheepish feeling. He rolled to to one side and unwrapped it partially with the bat. Whew! Still nothing. OK so then after looking with the flashlight a bit better, he really went for it and reached into the box. I think there was paper or a piece of cardboard?? lol. Yeah, it was an empty box. So he sat it back up and sort of re-wrapped it.

Our bet is that it's either there to draw attention to the labradoodle sign or else people will be set up there with some labradoodles tomorrow... although why set up in a complex? I do think they'll be fairly confused as to why someone unwrapped their box. Lol. :) Oh well... don't leave a wrapped box with no clear purpose sitting out in a post-9/11 world!

The sobering thing in all of this is the thought that it could have really been something bad. Paul could be dead now... so could I. I should have called emergency maintenance and let them deal with it. While I super appreciate Paul for literally risking his life for me and my insane curiosity, it was sort of dumb for us to mess with that box. So scary event, turned out good. We'll laugh about my paranoia in weeks to come. Thank goodness for friends who indulge your fears and help you feel safe!

Follow Up

Well Folks -- I thought I should write a follow up to my last post -- if I even have any readers left. I did get to go to the funeral afterall. My next door teacher at work gave me some frequent flyer miles to help me be near my family. Isn't God great? :) It was where I needed to be. I don't really want to write about it much though. It was just so surreal; even seeing her doesn't make her feel truly gone. Please pray for my family for time to heal the pain.

On a totally different note: I'm struggling with an emotion tonight that I don't truly have too often... well is "hate" an emotion? I mean true, teeth-clenching, body-shaking, seeing-red hate. What bothers me the most is while I'm hating him, I'm hating myself too. I hate that I let him get in my head and bother me, that I spent so much wasted time with him, that I knew he would never fit in my world and I tried to force him in anyways. I hate that I was so desperate to have someone that I settled for someone totally wrong for me. I hate that he's trying to make me jealous by saying he has someone -- but he's lied to me before, so why believe him now?? I hate that while I don't want him anymore, I don't want anyone else to want him. Mostly I hate how moronic, ridiculous, and not a match for me that he is. It's not fair to feel like that about someone. It's not loving, it's not Christian. Hate isn't of God, but right now I can't see straight. I'm letting my emotions get the best of me, but I don't know where this emotion is coming from. Well maybe if I'm honest it's coming from disappointment in myself. My disappointment hinges on him and our past together. I regret that year or more of time I was with him. I regret the wasted time that I could have been doing something else -- something better with my life. Why did I fool myself into believing that being with someone who wasn't the One was better than being lonely? Lonely is always better. I need to get used to lonely. Make it my friend. Me and lonely -- we're together now.

I know most of that doesn't make sense, and right now I just don't care! I know it's childish to post this on my blog, but again I just don't care. I know I'm throwing a lot out there but ya know... you get the picture. Whatever.

Aunt Mary

This is my mom and Aunt Mary at the airport after one of Mom's many trips to Michigan when Grandma was sick.


My Aunt Mary passed away this afternoon. I know I haven't blogged in forever, but I can't sleep and I need to get this all out, so I'm sharing it with you, my friends. Aunt Mary was my mom's only sister. Everyone in my mom's family basically stayed in the area where they grew up in Michigan but my mom.

This morning at church LaRae leaned over and mentioned that this woman reminded her of Patty -- Mary's daughter in law -- our cousin. I smiled and thought about the last time I was in Michigan. It was less than a year ago for Grandma's funeral. Before I left, Aunt Mary hugged me close and told me that just because Grandma was gone, it didn't mean I couldn't visit. She said that she and Uncle Ken would come get me from the airport and let me stay with them and that she enjoyed my visit despite the circumstances. That was the last thing she said to me besides "I love you" and I told her I loved her too and that I'd try. This morning before I knew anything was wrong, I thought, " I should really go visit -- watch for cheap airfare deals -- I miss all of them!"

I went to lunch with friends; then I went home to get Sprinkles to go head to the school to do our typical Sunday afternoon work. He played fetch with me and ate ice cubes in the copy room as we waited for my unit's worth of copies. I didn't think to bring my cell phone with me because everyone knew I was at work -- they could wait. I stopped on the way out to chat with some co-workers without even looking at my phone.

As I was walking out of the school, I noticed I had a message from Mom. All she said was "hey it's Mom. Call me when you get this. Ok?" I could tell from her tone that something was wrong. I immediately thought of Nana. I love Nana, but I'm trying to be mentally prepared for a call that she's had an accident or worse since she's so old and her mind is going. Thinking it was that Nana had fallen and gotten hurt or something scary but heal-able, I went ahead and pulled out of the school onto the road.

Mistake.

As the phone rang, my heart started to fill with dread. Something about Mom's voice had been really really wrong. Was Dad ok? In four short rings my mind was already racing through how to deal with the loss of a parent or what horrible thing had happened. My copies were made fo the week. I could get a sub, and they could deal without me. I have 15 sick days built up. 4 rings is all it took for those ideas to all go flashing through my mind. This had to be big, something unexpected, but when you know something unexpected is coming, it doesn't make it any easier to believe.

Mom answered. Her "hello" sounded defeated, drained, lost. I don't recall what was said in between "hello" and "Aunt Mary passed away today." My face crumpled, I pulled over immediately (I hadn't gotten far), and choked out, "how? when?" Last week Aunt Mary had a pain in her leg, but they'd been walking about a lot at the grandkids' sports games. This morning she started to have trouble breathing. The called an ambulance around 10 am. At the hospital the doctors thought that it might be a blood clot in her lung, and they decided to move her to a different hosiptal. One of her sons and her husband were with her at the hospital, talking with her. Her brother was on his way. She told the nurse that she needed to go to the bathroom before they left for the other hospital. In the bathroom she had a seizure and before they got her back to the bed, she was gone. She was 58.

When I was talking to Mom we took some time to talk about memories of Aunt Mary. We would visit Michigan about once a year when I was little. I used to call Aunt Mary at work and ask her if she could come and play. Mom said that meant a lot to Aunt Mary. I loved her so much. She was always so fun! As I got older, Aunt Mary and I would always pick up right where we had left off: with a strong, loving bond. We got in trouble together and laughed (a lot) together. She loved me, and I know she missed getting to see me more often. I missed it too. The last couple of times I visited she would stay up late chatting with me about anything and everything. I cried with her the first night I saw Grandma this summer. I cried at the nursing home and I cried in Aunt Mary's arms that night. Our mutual sorrow for the loss of Grandma's motor abilties came out in our tears. She was an amazing, loving, Christian woman. I wish I'd had more time with her. Mom said that Aunt Mary really appreciated my last couple of visits and enjoyed that time with me.

It's just so sudden. I don't know how to handle it all really. This is the first family member that has passed so suddenly and whose funeral I won't get to attend. It's too far away and costs too much. I don't know how to handle not getting to say a formal goodbye to her. I don't get how I am supposed to mourn without my family. How can I get through this without a hug from/for my mom? Ah, my mom, I can't imagine losing LaRae. I think that's why this is hitting me even harder. Mom lost her sister. Everytime that hits me, it just makes me cry again. How can you go on without your sister? The bond between sisters is like nothing else.

This afternoon I've traded between shock and sobbing. I don't know how I'm supposed to just pick up and go on as if this world isn't missing someone I love. I feel a little cheated -- like she was too young to die -- I mean, she wasn't super young, but she wasn't old enough to die! I'm not ready for my aunts and uncles, my parents, my loved ones to pass on. I need some advance warning! They can't just be snatched away like this! I went grocery shopping tonight to distract me (just sitting on the couch wasn't cutting it anymore), and it felt so fake. Like I shouldn't be shopping. I don't know how to really explain it.

I am so deeply sorrowful. I am fearful that I will spend a lot of time crying over the next few days. My plan is to hole myself up in my classroom. If I don't talk to my friends, I won't talk about it. Then I won't break down at school. I don't want to break down in front of my classes.

It's almost midnight. I'm going to be a zombie tomorrow.

Please pray for my family. They say Uncle Ken is in shock. Please pray for him especially. He will need all the strength God can give him when it all really sinks in. I can't see him without Aunt Mary. She had two sons, both married with lots of kids each. So many loved ones that she has left behind. Please pray for strength and comfort. Death is never easy, but someone passing so unexpectedly, so suddenly is even harder it seems.

I guess I'll end this entry with my feelings of hope that are getting me through. I AM comforted that she's in Heaven. I'm sure Grandma was just as surprised to see Aunt Mary there so soon as we were to lose her so suddenly, but I bet Grandma is taking her on the grand tour now. Aunt Mary did have some health problems -- I bet they're dancing across the golden streets together. (Ya know, I still email Grandma. I emailed her tonight.) Shelley now has most of her grandparents, an aunt, and an uncle with her -- people I've had to love me my whole life. I believe we know each other in Heaven. I believe I'll see Aunt Mary again. My hope is in Christ and the grace that He gives. Without hope and grace, without faith in the promise God has given us, death would be final, but with all of that, with the hope, the grace, and the faith that I cling to, I know it's only the beginning. I still miss Aunt Mary. I am still crying. I am still mourning the loss of a great woman, but through it all, I still have hope.

I love you all. Thanks for reading. Please pray.

Frank

I've been absent from blogging. Sorry I'll get back to it soon, but until then, I was looking at
PostSecret today and came across a video of Frank Warren speaking at a Post Secret event. Amongst all of the secrets in that video and on the web page, this one statement Frank made stood out to me the most:

Frank said that when he put his last book together he learned "that all of us have a secret that would break your heart if you just knew what it was."

Just think about that and all it implies. I think that's profound. I think what he's done with his books is profound. What an amazing project and an amazing man.