I teach high school. I see high school drama daily. There's a reason we call it "high school drama." It's hormone-driven, brought on by the lack of wisdom of youth, and typically totally unnecessary. Sitting there reading this I bet you can easily recall bits of your own high school drama. Often I think that drama is some of the stuff we most regret, but back then could we really stop it from happening?
"I'm so sick of drama!" It's an anthem painfully screamed by many to no avail. Heck, I still scream it (with a bit less melodrama of a 15 year old) at work and at home from time to time. Being sick of drama doesn't make it go away. Being aware of the drama doesn't make it go away. Drama is drama is drama.
So I'm on Facebook, been on there for a year or so. Like most of the newcomers to Facebook, I didn't discover it until I was out of school. When I first joined, I was pleasantly surprised at the number of friend requests I made and received. It was great! Every time I turned on my computer more people wanted to catch up with me! I had a lot of friends and acquaintances in high school, but I also knew drama (and often it was "band drama" which I am now convinced is some of the worst high school drama out there). I also had quite a few friends in college, and I was able to find them all and catch up on Facebook. Ah, the joy of the internet -- allowing us to "catch up" without even speaking! If only I'd found this sooner!
Truth is that I've always been looking forward in my life. I hit a point in high school where all I wanted was to leave and be at Harding. I was so focused on Harding and my goals that I lost some friends along the way. I was miserably depressed (totally undiagnosed until college) and needed a fresh start. In college I was focused on the joy of being at Harding... for a while. Then I adopted the "eyes on the prize" attitude and craved my own classroom. I don't know that I lost college friends from that per say, but I did weed out the ones who weren't helping me be the person I wanted to be (in that last year or so).
So now I'm a teacher. I'm done with being a high school-er. I'm through with Harding. Where is my prize? It's Heaven. I'm ok waiting a while for that one -- making my mark on this earth and trying to bring more souls with me when I go. That's the big difference I guess: I'm trying to bring people with me to my final prize.
OK, I'm digressing from my title of my post. So recently I've put in friend requests to a couple of people that I counted as either best friends or ex-boyfriends from high school, and (I'm sort of ashamed to say) they didn't add me. You can tell, you know? It goes from saying "friend requested" by their name to "add as friend". They ignored my request. Not one to give up easily, I requested their add again, this time with a kind note. DENIED! What?! How could you not want to be my friend! Ding Ding Ding! There it is. Did you see it? High school drama -- snuck right back in and claimed my mind. Suddenly I'm stuck sitting here feeling like one of my students: rejected and like the world's against me. Sigh.
I started reflecting. See in my "eyes on the prize" journey from teen years to now, I lost touch with people. I'm very much an "out of sight, out of mind" person. If you leave, if you move, I lose touch. You can't count on me to be the one to pick up the phone. Now, if you pick it up, I'm much more likely to keep in touch and return calls. It takes effort though, and I hate the phone. If I'd kept up better with email addresses, or we'd had Facebook after high school, I think it would have been so much more different. I wouldn't have hurt feeling by not keeping up like I should have.
College friends all pretty much add me. Not enough time has gone by for them to realize that I'm horrid at keeping up. Thank you Facebook for helping me reconnect with them before it was too late to catch up.
After reflecting (and agonizing a bit), I talked to my sister (who must have a hidden "How to be the Best Big Sister and Give the Best Advice" manual around somewhere), and I thought about it, and I came to one big conclusion: who cares?? Easy, eh? No excuses really. So I didn't keep up; you didn't either. I refuse to be defined by my past, and if someone who was my friend can't give me the chance to see that I've changed, so be it. Really it all comes down to the fact that we're all human. We all make mistakes, and we're all worth knowing. So we lost touch; use this time to get back in touch. Don't hold grudges. What's the point? I think I have learned to forgive so easily because I have been forgiven much (by God and those who love me).
So it comes down to this really. Do we let high school drama come back up in our adult lives, or do we just get over it, re-connect, and move on? I choose the latter. I have no time for drama. I have no patience with drama unless it's true high school drama. After all I'm a high school teacher. One of the reasons to be one is to help my students through that drama, so one day they can say "I don't care if you didn't add me. Quit being petty." I miss those I can't catch up with, don't get me wrong, but I won't shed any tears over it. I can't because I'm sick of drama. :)
Authors' Disclaimer: Should you find me on said Facebook, I will honor your friend request as long as I know who you are (since my momma taught me not to talk to strangers) and you are not one of my students (as the district asks us not to add you).
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Sunday, November 30, 2008
I've got the economy.
My family and I laughed at someone on the DIS who posted that she thought "people with the economy" would be cancelling their Disney vacations, and so Disney was going to do some huge promo. Yes, they're doing a huge promo now, but we were laughing at the idea of people actually having the ecomony... like a disease. It's become a running joke with us -- "look out for the economy! I hear it's catching!" Yes yes ha ha... but I have the economy. Seriously.
I've written about money woes before on my blog, and I'm totally comfortable talking money (gasp) bc we all have issues, we all have our own personal woes, and honestly, it's my blog, so if you don't like it, don't read it. :) I thought a progress report would be nice though, and I need to write to clear my head a bit.
When my Aunt Mary passed away about a month ago, and I looked at my credit card and realized it was super high, and I realized I couldn't afford to go to the funeral, I finally started facing the fact that I have a problem. Thankfully a co-worker bailed me out and got me to the funeral using some frequent flyer miles, but I didn't just thank God and continue about my life like nothing was wrong. I read some articles, I looked at my budget vs what I was really spending, and I got honest with myself.
I am a shopaholic. No jokes. No excuses. I shop to alleviate stress, to make myself feel better, to try to make people like me (oh yeah, I'm a gift giver). You name it, I can rationalize buying it (today, no hesitations, no second thoughts, and NO buyer's remorse). Want to know specifics? How about using my stimulus check on a 42 inch flat panel TV? Tax return you ask? New furniture for my living room. Those cute tops I wear? Well I need to look good to teach bc the kids notice. My $1000 cookware -- the Teflon gives you cancer. My china dishes? Well even if I'm not getting married, I still deserve nice china. I could go on. I'm not cheap. I've been like this for a while. It's been getting worse.
OK, you might be rolling your eyes right now, but I'm serious. This is a disease. This is a horrible horrible addiction I have decided is not ok and I have to break.
I started by going cold turkey on spending for a month. No buying anything but the neccessities (and comic books -- they were the only thing on the ok list but I'm working to cut back). I had to live off the food in my fridge and pantry but could buy things like milk, bread, and produce. I did not give up luxuries like internet and my DVR, but I didn't buy non-consumables -- no extra clothing, no jewelry, no purses, no trinkets, no stationary, you get the picture. Oh yeah, here's the worst part: no eating out.
I made it through my month. I greatly missed the eating out with my friends on Sundays. I missed the fellowship, but I found it in other ways, in other places, and for free. I didn't miss the crowds, waiting for a table, figuring out where to eat, the bad service, the cranky kids waiting for food that made us sick bc it was so fat laden. No, all of that I did not miss.
OK, so one month later, and I'm telling LaRae today that I feel empowered. I'm not just trying to pay off my credit card, I'm trying to fix the problem, and I'm winning... mostly. How in the world did I used to grocery shop without looking at prices?! How did I not pay attention to how much I was spending for ridiculous stuff??? It's getting easier to tell myself no to things. It's getting easier to plan a menu for the week. It's getting easier to miss those Sunday meals. It's partially easier bc my sister and her family are cutting back too. Besides the raving madness that it materialism/consumerism is sickening, and I'm ready to not be known for my stuff but for me.
Today it got hard. Change isn't easy. Today I realized that to do small presents for everyone on the math team (15 people!), to get to go to Pokeno, to get to BUY GAS to make my car run, I needed to cut back a few more things. That means no VRCC Christmas Party ($5 per person, hosting a table, and an ornament exchange!) -- which meant letting Jenn down by backing out of hosting a table with her. On the upside, it also meant that LaRae and Randy could have a much needed night out with friends bc I can provide free babysitting for them. It means no jackpot round at Pokeno. When you see $5 as a whole chicken that makes two full recipies and leftovers for a days on end, you don't want to gamble it away. It means watching where I drive and staying in even more. It means I cried on the way home from LaRae's tonight when I had to call Jenn and tell her I was sorry I couldn't do the party and when I realized my happy victory over a month of not spending was now tainted by the realization that this isn't easy.
Mostly it means I'm starting to feel like in the process of letting myself down, I let my friends down too. I mean, this is my problem. I have to fix it. As a result, I can't do my normal fellowship with my friends bc I'm choosing not to spend money on the things we used to do to socialize. I feel like it's making it seem like I'm pulling away, and I'm totally not... I just have to let them down sometimes (like with the hosting of the table). I miss going out. I miss my friends. I feel bad saying no, but I need them to understand why. This isn't a new kick I'm on that's going away. This is tightening up FOR REAL until my debt is gone, and I'm able to actually put real money into savings. One day I'll be able to go out to eat some again and go to movies and such, but understand -- that "one day" is not coming up soon. Please understand that I'm still here, I'm still fun, but if you want to be with me, we have to come up with something that's free to do. :) Let's share a potluck meal at each other's homes, let's have a game night, but let's not forget me. I haven't forgotten you.
I'll post something fun again soon -- I'm trying to update my blog again more often, so check back soon.
I've written about money woes before on my blog, and I'm totally comfortable talking money (gasp) bc we all have issues, we all have our own personal woes, and honestly, it's my blog, so if you don't like it, don't read it. :) I thought a progress report would be nice though, and I need to write to clear my head a bit.
When my Aunt Mary passed away about a month ago, and I looked at my credit card and realized it was super high, and I realized I couldn't afford to go to the funeral, I finally started facing the fact that I have a problem. Thankfully a co-worker bailed me out and got me to the funeral using some frequent flyer miles, but I didn't just thank God and continue about my life like nothing was wrong. I read some articles, I looked at my budget vs what I was really spending, and I got honest with myself.
I am a shopaholic. No jokes. No excuses. I shop to alleviate stress, to make myself feel better, to try to make people like me (oh yeah, I'm a gift giver). You name it, I can rationalize buying it (today, no hesitations, no second thoughts, and NO buyer's remorse). Want to know specifics? How about using my stimulus check on a 42 inch flat panel TV? Tax return you ask? New furniture for my living room. Those cute tops I wear? Well I need to look good to teach bc the kids notice. My $1000 cookware -- the Teflon gives you cancer. My china dishes? Well even if I'm not getting married, I still deserve nice china. I could go on. I'm not cheap. I've been like this for a while. It's been getting worse.
OK, you might be rolling your eyes right now, but I'm serious. This is a disease. This is a horrible horrible addiction I have decided is not ok and I have to break.
I started by going cold turkey on spending for a month. No buying anything but the neccessities (and comic books -- they were the only thing on the ok list but I'm working to cut back). I had to live off the food in my fridge and pantry but could buy things like milk, bread, and produce. I did not give up luxuries like internet and my DVR, but I didn't buy non-consumables -- no extra clothing, no jewelry, no purses, no trinkets, no stationary, you get the picture. Oh yeah, here's the worst part: no eating out.
I made it through my month. I greatly missed the eating out with my friends on Sundays. I missed the fellowship, but I found it in other ways, in other places, and for free. I didn't miss the crowds, waiting for a table, figuring out where to eat, the bad service, the cranky kids waiting for food that made us sick bc it was so fat laden. No, all of that I did not miss.
OK, so one month later, and I'm telling LaRae today that I feel empowered. I'm not just trying to pay off my credit card, I'm trying to fix the problem, and I'm winning... mostly. How in the world did I used to grocery shop without looking at prices?! How did I not pay attention to how much I was spending for ridiculous stuff??? It's getting easier to tell myself no to things. It's getting easier to plan a menu for the week. It's getting easier to miss those Sunday meals. It's partially easier bc my sister and her family are cutting back too. Besides the raving madness that it materialism/consumerism is sickening, and I'm ready to not be known for my stuff but for me.
Today it got hard. Change isn't easy. Today I realized that to do small presents for everyone on the math team (15 people!), to get to go to Pokeno, to get to BUY GAS to make my car run, I needed to cut back a few more things. That means no VRCC Christmas Party ($5 per person, hosting a table, and an ornament exchange!) -- which meant letting Jenn down by backing out of hosting a table with her. On the upside, it also meant that LaRae and Randy could have a much needed night out with friends bc I can provide free babysitting for them. It means no jackpot round at Pokeno. When you see $5 as a whole chicken that makes two full recipies and leftovers for a days on end, you don't want to gamble it away. It means watching where I drive and staying in even more. It means I cried on the way home from LaRae's tonight when I had to call Jenn and tell her I was sorry I couldn't do the party and when I realized my happy victory over a month of not spending was now tainted by the realization that this isn't easy.
Mostly it means I'm starting to feel like in the process of letting myself down, I let my friends down too. I mean, this is my problem. I have to fix it. As a result, I can't do my normal fellowship with my friends bc I'm choosing not to spend money on the things we used to do to socialize. I feel like it's making it seem like I'm pulling away, and I'm totally not... I just have to let them down sometimes (like with the hosting of the table). I miss going out. I miss my friends. I feel bad saying no, but I need them to understand why. This isn't a new kick I'm on that's going away. This is tightening up FOR REAL until my debt is gone, and I'm able to actually put real money into savings. One day I'll be able to go out to eat some again and go to movies and such, but understand -- that "one day" is not coming up soon. Please understand that I'm still here, I'm still fun, but if you want to be with me, we have to come up with something that's free to do. :) Let's share a potluck meal at each other's homes, let's have a game night, but let's not forget me. I haven't forgotten you.
I'll post something fun again soon -- I'm trying to update my blog again more often, so check back soon.
Friday, November 28, 2008
Black Friday
It's almost 3pm, and it feels like it should be midnight! Wowza.
I got up this morning around 5:45 and was out the door and to Staples by 6:15! I ordered a new laptop a couple of days ago, so I found Office 2007 for $59.99 there, and I wanted to make sure I got a copy. I severely underestimated the crowds that would be at Staples. The lines were quite long but not ridiculous... until the woman 5 people in front of me had issues with how her printer was ringing up. (Oh yeah, this is after a couple cut in front of me in line, but I didn't want to have a Black Friday Altercation, so I just decided to stay calm, enjoy my day of shopping, and let them stay ahead of me since they were obviously in a bigger hurry than I!) Manager comes up, settles the issue, leaves, and irate shopper lady decides to continue arguing the SAME issue with the cashier again! 30 minutes later (I refused to go to another line figuring this one would start moving soon...) -- they move persistent annoying shopper lady to the front desk with the manager. When I left 10 minutes later, she was still there. Hun, the sales are great... give up your argument!
OK, so it's about 7:15 and drizzling rain when I get to Toys R Us (after a quick stop to feed Paul and Jennifer's cats). Before you pass me off as totally insane for going there on Black Friday, hear me out. I used the million and five (ok maybe a few less) credit card points I had accumulated to get gift cards to do Christmas shopping this year, and Toys R Us was just one of them. So I'm on the phone with my parents as I'm trying to get a parking place. It was in a HUGE puddle and "right out from the middle of nowhere" (as I told my mother when she helpfully reminded me to note where I was parked out from), but it was a parking place. I ignored the crowds and slowly and carefully hunted for the perfect gifts for Katelyn and Joshua. I found them (not telling!) and went to check out. I kid you not -- the line was wrapped around the entire store all the way to the back of the store, but it moved fast because unlike Staples, they had one line that fed to the registers, so problems at one register wouldn't stop a TON of shoppers. I loved this check out experience! It was great!
Again, amazed at how early it was, I went on to Barnes and Noble. I cleaned my garage last night and found a gift card for there that a student had given me for Christmas last year! Rock on! So I was able to get the Twilight Movie Companion I've had my eye on for a while, and I have some money leftover on the card for the Tales of Beedle the Bard when it comes out! Yea!
I got up this morning around 5:45 and was out the door and to Staples by 6:15! I ordered a new laptop a couple of days ago, so I found Office 2007 for $59.99 there, and I wanted to make sure I got a copy. I severely underestimated the crowds that would be at Staples. The lines were quite long but not ridiculous... until the woman 5 people in front of me had issues with how her printer was ringing up. (Oh yeah, this is after a couple cut in front of me in line, but I didn't want to have a Black Friday Altercation, so I just decided to stay calm, enjoy my day of shopping, and let them stay ahead of me since they were obviously in a bigger hurry than I!) Manager comes up, settles the issue, leaves, and irate shopper lady decides to continue arguing the SAME issue with the cashier again! 30 minutes later (I refused to go to another line figuring this one would start moving soon...) -- they move persistent annoying shopper lady to the front desk with the manager. When I left 10 minutes later, she was still there. Hun, the sales are great... give up your argument!OK, so it's about 7:15 and drizzling rain when I get to Toys R Us (after a quick stop to feed Paul and Jennifer's cats). Before you pass me off as totally insane for going there on Black Friday, hear me out. I used the million and five (ok maybe a few less) credit card points I had accumulated to get gift cards to do Christmas shopping this year, and Toys R Us was just one of them. So I'm on the phone with my parents as I'm trying to get a parking place. It was in a HUGE puddle and "right out from the middle of nowhere" (as I told my mother when she helpfully reminded me to note where I was parked out from), but it was a parking place. I ignored the crowds and slowly and carefully hunted for the perfect gifts for Katelyn and Joshua. I found them (not telling!) and went to check out. I kid you not -- the line was wrapped around the entire store all the way to the back of the store, but it moved fast because unlike Staples, they had one line that fed to the registers, so problems at one register wouldn't stop a TON of shoppers. I loved this check out experience! It was great!On to Bed, Bath, and Beyond! Here was a lot less crowded than other places. I found wonderful gifts for Mom, Dad, and LaRae (gift cards for spending again), but it took me a LONG time bc I kept going back to other things trying to decide. Anyhoo -- BBB was uneventful if you don't count the fact that when I left and put my bags in my car, I was really starting to feel panicky that I'd spent sooooo much money today, but then I told myself it was gift cards, so I calmed down. It's nice to spend money that isn't out of my paycheck. :)
Again, amazed at how early it was, I went on to Barnes and Noble. I cleaned my garage last night and found a gift card for there that a student had given me for Christmas last year! Rock on! So I was able to get the Twilight Movie Companion I've had my eye on for a while, and I have some money leftover on the card for the Tales of Beedle the Bard when it comes out! Yea!It was almost 10 by that time, so I decided to go home and bone out the chicken that I'd cooked in the crock pot. Yum! I'll make something yummy for dinner tonight.
Then I decided it was time to go to the mall. Gasp! I went to see the 11:15 am showing of Twilight (2nd time I've seen it, but I deserved a treat). Here's another pic for all of you Rob Pattinson fans -- it's he hot?? 
After that I hit Lane Bryant for the buy one, get one sale (biggest sale I've seen there EVER). I actually called my mom before I went in and after I left. All I was getting was 2 pairs of jeans. I actually walked toward something maroon and sparkly and said "no" out loud! I'm still really learning to control my spending addiction, so it was actually nice to have the support. :) I did it too! I just got 2 pairs of jeans!
Anyways, so it's now 3:15-ish, and I've been all over and done so much today! It's really quite insane. I'm trying not to nap, so that I can go to bed early tonight and get a good night's sleep. Hope you all had a Happy Thanksgiving and fun Black Friday!
Saturday, November 22, 2008
I Rescued a Human Today
I don't normally post these email forwards, but this one brought a tear to my eye. In some ways, Sprinkles rescued my life (even though he wasn't from a shelter...).
Her eyes met mine as she walked down the corridor peering apprehensively into the kennels. I felt her need instantly and knew I had to help her. I wagged my tail, not too exuberantly, so she wouldn't be afraid.
As she stopped at my kennel I blocked her view from a little accident I had in the back of my cage. I didn't want her to know that I hadn't been walked today. Sometimes the shelter keepers get too busy and I didn't want her to think poorly of them.
As she read my kennel card I hoped that she wouldn't feel sad about my past. I only have the future to look forward to and want to make a difference in someone's life.
She got down on her knees and made little kissy sounds at me. I shoved my shoulder and side of my head up against the bars to comfort her. Gentle fingertips caressed my neck; she was desperate for companionship.
A tear fell down her cheek and I raised my paw to assure her that all would be well. Soon my kennel door opened and her smile was so bright that I instantly jumped into her arms. I would promise to keep her safe. I would promise to always be by her side. I would promise to do everything I could to see that radiant smile and sparkle in her eyes. I was so fortunate that she came down my corridor. So many more are out there who haven't walked the corridors. So many more to be saved. At least I could save one.
I rescued a human today.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
10 Things I'm Loving at this Moment
1. The phrase "Aunt Joanna... I wuv you!" I can't hear that enough.
2. Joshua wanting to cuddle with me. It's going to be a bummer when he's too old to cuddle with his aunt. For now though I'll cuddle just as long as he wants!
3. Katelyn wanting to cuddle with me. Reading stories with her or combing her hair while we watch "Dancing with the Stars" are little memories I'll always cherish.
4. Eating dinner at home or at my sister's house with her family. Not spending the time driving to a restaurant and then waiting for a table, waiting to order, waiting for our food, waiting to pay, and driving home takes a lot of the crankiness out of the kids and leaves a lot more time to play. :) It's giving me more cheap quality time being the "cool" aunt.
5. My sister time... lately it's been a drive home together from church or a drive to Bunco together, but it's those times when I get to talk to LaRae without children distracting either of us that I get some great bonding time in.
6. My bro in law being cool with me being over and playing with the kids a lot. It makes a difference to have him actually mention something to the kids about how lucky they are to have their aunt around to play with. It makes me feel more a part of the family and much less like the lonely bother that I sometimes feel like. :)
OK I'll move out of the family stuff now.
7. Learning how to spend money wisely. Hi. My name is Joanna and I'm a shopaholic. No seriously, I'm fully admitting it now and am working on it. I've taken the Becky Bloomwood stance of MMM or CB (make more money or cut back). I've chosen (or life has chosen for me) to CB. After a week I'm already really learning that I don't need to go buy things to feel better about myself.
8. My puppy dog. OK I always love him, but Sprinkles has been extra cuddly and fun lately.
9. My job. I have to keep reminding myself of this. I love the challenge of teaching Geometry even if sometimes it's stressful. I have always felt that I was put on this earth to teach, and even when it's stressful (which it's really been lately), I need to lift my head, find my joy again, and focus on being the best I can be at what I do.
10. My DVR. Petty. Worldly. I know. I don't care! I LOVE my DVR. I love not being tied down to my TV but always being able to catch my shows. I love the random surprises that my series recordings catch like new "Jonas Brothers: Living the Dream" 5 minute segments. It's ok. I'll admit I love JB! lol.
I have more, but I thought it would be good to share a nice even 10 tonight. I need to start blogging with pictures again soon. Oh well. Stop for a moment and think about the 10 things you're loving at this moment. :)
2. Joshua wanting to cuddle with me. It's going to be a bummer when he's too old to cuddle with his aunt. For now though I'll cuddle just as long as he wants!
3. Katelyn wanting to cuddle with me. Reading stories with her or combing her hair while we watch "Dancing with the Stars" are little memories I'll always cherish.
4. Eating dinner at home or at my sister's house with her family. Not spending the time driving to a restaurant and then waiting for a table, waiting to order, waiting for our food, waiting to pay, and driving home takes a lot of the crankiness out of the kids and leaves a lot more time to play. :) It's giving me more cheap quality time being the "cool" aunt.
5. My sister time... lately it's been a drive home together from church or a drive to Bunco together, but it's those times when I get to talk to LaRae without children distracting either of us that I get some great bonding time in.
6. My bro in law being cool with me being over and playing with the kids a lot. It makes a difference to have him actually mention something to the kids about how lucky they are to have their aunt around to play with. It makes me feel more a part of the family and much less like the lonely bother that I sometimes feel like. :)
OK I'll move out of the family stuff now.
7. Learning how to spend money wisely. Hi. My name is Joanna and I'm a shopaholic. No seriously, I'm fully admitting it now and am working on it. I've taken the Becky Bloomwood stance of MMM or CB (make more money or cut back). I've chosen (or life has chosen for me) to CB. After a week I'm already really learning that I don't need to go buy things to feel better about myself.
8. My puppy dog. OK I always love him, but Sprinkles has been extra cuddly and fun lately.
9. My job. I have to keep reminding myself of this. I love the challenge of teaching Geometry even if sometimes it's stressful. I have always felt that I was put on this earth to teach, and even when it's stressful (which it's really been lately), I need to lift my head, find my joy again, and focus on being the best I can be at what I do.
10. My DVR. Petty. Worldly. I know. I don't care! I LOVE my DVR. I love not being tied down to my TV but always being able to catch my shows. I love the random surprises that my series recordings catch like new "Jonas Brothers: Living the Dream" 5 minute segments. It's ok. I'll admit I love JB! lol.
I have more, but I thought it would be good to share a nice even 10 tonight. I need to start blogging with pictures again soon. Oh well. Stop for a moment and think about the 10 things you're loving at this moment. :)
Friday, October 17, 2008
Putting Lives on the Line
Have I ever told you about my good friend Paul? He'll do anything for his friends, and I mean ANYTHING!
Tonight we had a slightly humorous occurrence. I took Sprinkles out around 10 pm for a quick walk, and when I walked out my door and across the street, I noticed a 2 ft by 2 ft box covered in white paper. On the box was written "STOP AND LOOK", and it appeared to have holes in it. After staring at it for a while I decide not to approach it, but I do start looking all over the place for the people who must be Punking me. Not a soul is around; I hear no quiet laughter; I see nothing but the now hugely freaky box. Look people, it's the post-9/11 era. People shouldn't leave oddly marked, wrapped packages around without a clear purpose!
So I walked Sprinkles elsewhere in the complex and came home. Fearful that LaRae and Randy were already asleep, I decided to call Paul. He lives close, and I knew he and Jennifer would be catching up on their DVR stuff tonight. Yeah, so I relay the info about the box to him, and he agrees it's freaky. However, I don't want to call emergency maintenance (bc the last time I did it was for a weird chemical smell in my apartment, and they thought I was insane, but I thought I was going to die in my sleep from breathing the strange gas), and I'm scared to call 911 for fear of a policeman yelling at me for being silly. Without hesitation Paul says he'll be over shortly.
I decided to go outside to wait for him, so I grabbed my broom (so we could poke the box), and I hunted for a safe spot to duck behind while Paul poked the box. I found a minivan nearby and decided that was a sturdy enough spot that maybe a bomb wouldn't kill me... Looking back, I think I was still too close. Anyways, Paul arrives with a flashlight (super smart since I forgot to tell him the box was right under a streetlight) and a baseball bat -- while it was sturdier than my broom, it wasn't as long. Did I mention my first fear wasn't a bomb but something live (bc I thought there were holes in the box) and dangerous?
At this point you're probably thinking, "Joanna, go to bed and leave it alone!" Well I'm not that person. What if it was dangerous, and I didn't do anything about it, and someone got hurt?! I'd never forgive myself. It HAD to be investigated for the people of my complex!
In all fairness, I've left out another part too. On the hydrant across the street from the box is an arrow with a sign saying Labradoodles will be "on sale" this weekend. Coincidence though, I'm sure...
Back to Paul and the baseball bat! So I was laughing like crazy bc I just know I'm being insane, and it's probably nothing. Paul is looking at me like I'm insane for laughing (mostly bc I think at that point he was praying but counting on being blown up). He actually told me that he thought I needed to be further away for this (him poking the box) -- which also made me laugh, but I did run behind my newly staked out minivan.
So Paul began the exploration of the box. He examined it from all sides. Nothing. He did stop to look around for the people punking us like I did (again I laughed bc I knew he was listening for quiet laughter from the bushes too). He poked it. Nothing. He then told me to get behind the van better. He rolled it over -- with the bat. I braced for the explosion. Nothing. Hm. I was starting to get a little sheepish feeling. He rolled to to one side and unwrapped it partially with the bat. Whew! Still nothing. OK so then after looking with the flashlight a bit better, he really went for it and reached into the box. I think there was paper or a piece of cardboard?? lol. Yeah, it was an empty box. So he sat it back up and sort of re-wrapped it.
Our bet is that it's either there to draw attention to the labradoodle sign or else people will be set up there with some labradoodles tomorrow... although why set up in a complex? I do think they'll be fairly confused as to why someone unwrapped their box. Lol. :) Oh well... don't leave a wrapped box with no clear purpose sitting out in a post-9/11 world!
The sobering thing in all of this is the thought that it could have really been something bad. Paul could be dead now... so could I. I should have called emergency maintenance and let them deal with it. While I super appreciate Paul for literally risking his life for me and my insane curiosity, it was sort of dumb for us to mess with that box. So scary event, turned out good. We'll laugh about my paranoia in weeks to come. Thank goodness for friends who indulge your fears and help you feel safe!
Tonight we had a slightly humorous occurrence. I took Sprinkles out around 10 pm for a quick walk, and when I walked out my door and across the street, I noticed a 2 ft by 2 ft box covered in white paper. On the box was written "STOP AND LOOK", and it appeared to have holes in it. After staring at it for a while I decide not to approach it, but I do start looking all over the place for the people who must be Punking me. Not a soul is around; I hear no quiet laughter; I see nothing but the now hugely freaky box. Look people, it's the post-9/11 era. People shouldn't leave oddly marked, wrapped packages around without a clear purpose!
So I walked Sprinkles elsewhere in the complex and came home. Fearful that LaRae and Randy were already asleep, I decided to call Paul. He lives close, and I knew he and Jennifer would be catching up on their DVR stuff tonight. Yeah, so I relay the info about the box to him, and he agrees it's freaky. However, I don't want to call emergency maintenance (bc the last time I did it was for a weird chemical smell in my apartment, and they thought I was insane, but I thought I was going to die in my sleep from breathing the strange gas), and I'm scared to call 911 for fear of a policeman yelling at me for being silly. Without hesitation Paul says he'll be over shortly.
I decided to go outside to wait for him, so I grabbed my broom (so we could poke the box), and I hunted for a safe spot to duck behind while Paul poked the box. I found a minivan nearby and decided that was a sturdy enough spot that maybe a bomb wouldn't kill me... Looking back, I think I was still too close. Anyways, Paul arrives with a flashlight (super smart since I forgot to tell him the box was right under a streetlight) and a baseball bat -- while it was sturdier than my broom, it wasn't as long. Did I mention my first fear wasn't a bomb but something live (bc I thought there were holes in the box) and dangerous?
At this point you're probably thinking, "Joanna, go to bed and leave it alone!" Well I'm not that person. What if it was dangerous, and I didn't do anything about it, and someone got hurt?! I'd never forgive myself. It HAD to be investigated for the people of my complex!
In all fairness, I've left out another part too. On the hydrant across the street from the box is an arrow with a sign saying Labradoodles will be "on sale" this weekend. Coincidence though, I'm sure...
Back to Paul and the baseball bat! So I was laughing like crazy bc I just know I'm being insane, and it's probably nothing. Paul is looking at me like I'm insane for laughing (mostly bc I think at that point he was praying but counting on being blown up). He actually told me that he thought I needed to be further away for this (him poking the box) -- which also made me laugh, but I did run behind my newly staked out minivan.
So Paul began the exploration of the box. He examined it from all sides. Nothing. He did stop to look around for the people punking us like I did (again I laughed bc I knew he was listening for quiet laughter from the bushes too). He poked it. Nothing. He then told me to get behind the van better. He rolled it over -- with the bat. I braced for the explosion. Nothing. Hm. I was starting to get a little sheepish feeling. He rolled to to one side and unwrapped it partially with the bat. Whew! Still nothing. OK so then after looking with the flashlight a bit better, he really went for it and reached into the box. I think there was paper or a piece of cardboard?? lol. Yeah, it was an empty box. So he sat it back up and sort of re-wrapped it.
Our bet is that it's either there to draw attention to the labradoodle sign or else people will be set up there with some labradoodles tomorrow... although why set up in a complex? I do think they'll be fairly confused as to why someone unwrapped their box. Lol. :) Oh well... don't leave a wrapped box with no clear purpose sitting out in a post-9/11 world!
The sobering thing in all of this is the thought that it could have really been something bad. Paul could be dead now... so could I. I should have called emergency maintenance and let them deal with it. While I super appreciate Paul for literally risking his life for me and my insane curiosity, it was sort of dumb for us to mess with that box. So scary event, turned out good. We'll laugh about my paranoia in weeks to come. Thank goodness for friends who indulge your fears and help you feel safe!
Monday, October 06, 2008
Follow Up
Well Folks -- I thought I should write a follow up to my last post -- if I even have any readers left. I did get to go to the funeral afterall. My next door teacher at work gave me some frequent flyer miles to help me be near my family. Isn't God great? :) It was where I needed to be. I don't really want to write about it much though. It was just so surreal; even seeing her doesn't make her feel truly gone. Please pray for my family for time to heal the pain.
On a totally different note: I'm struggling with an emotion tonight that I don't truly have too often... well is "hate" an emotion? I mean true, teeth-clenching, body-shaking, seeing-red hate. What bothers me the most is while I'm hating him, I'm hating myself too. I hate that I let him get in my head and bother me, that I spent so much wasted time with him, that I knew he would never fit in my world and I tried to force him in anyways. I hate that I was so desperate to have someone that I settled for someone totally wrong for me. I hate that he's trying to make me jealous by saying he has someone -- but he's lied to me before, so why believe him now?? I hate that while I don't want him anymore, I don't want anyone else to want him. Mostly I hate how moronic, ridiculous, and not a match for me that he is. It's not fair to feel like that about someone. It's not loving, it's not Christian. Hate isn't of God, but right now I can't see straight. I'm letting my emotions get the best of me, but I don't know where this emotion is coming from. Well maybe if I'm honest it's coming from disappointment in myself. My disappointment hinges on him and our past together. I regret that year or more of time I was with him. I regret the wasted time that I could have been doing something else -- something better with my life. Why did I fool myself into believing that being with someone who wasn't the One was better than being lonely? Lonely is always better. I need to get used to lonely. Make it my friend. Me and lonely -- we're together now.
I know most of that doesn't make sense, and right now I just don't care! I know it's childish to post this on my blog, but again I just don't care. I know I'm throwing a lot out there but ya know... you get the picture. Whatever.
On a totally different note: I'm struggling with an emotion tonight that I don't truly have too often... well is "hate" an emotion? I mean true, teeth-clenching, body-shaking, seeing-red hate. What bothers me the most is while I'm hating him, I'm hating myself too. I hate that I let him get in my head and bother me, that I spent so much wasted time with him, that I knew he would never fit in my world and I tried to force him in anyways. I hate that I was so desperate to have someone that I settled for someone totally wrong for me. I hate that he's trying to make me jealous by saying he has someone -- but he's lied to me before, so why believe him now?? I hate that while I don't want him anymore, I don't want anyone else to want him. Mostly I hate how moronic, ridiculous, and not a match for me that he is. It's not fair to feel like that about someone. It's not loving, it's not Christian. Hate isn't of God, but right now I can't see straight. I'm letting my emotions get the best of me, but I don't know where this emotion is coming from. Well maybe if I'm honest it's coming from disappointment in myself. My disappointment hinges on him and our past together. I regret that year or more of time I was with him. I regret the wasted time that I could have been doing something else -- something better with my life. Why did I fool myself into believing that being with someone who wasn't the One was better than being lonely? Lonely is always better. I need to get used to lonely. Make it my friend. Me and lonely -- we're together now.
I know most of that doesn't make sense, and right now I just don't care! I know it's childish to post this on my blog, but again I just don't care. I know I'm throwing a lot out there but ya know... you get the picture. Whatever.
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