Sunday, June 13, 2010

The Roach of Impending Doom

**Fair warning: If roaches freak you out, you might want to not read this, but if stories about awesome friends are your thing, perhaps you should brave on.**

My afternoon involved so much screaming and laughter that I feel I need to share it with my blogging audience. Mostly I feel this way because I am STILL freaked out by this afternoon's events.

Tracy and I decided that we'd go see Alice in Wonderland at the dollar theater this afternoon. I'd been begging her to go see it with me, but she thought it wouldn't be her cup of tea. (Hee hee! Get it?!) For a dollar and popcorn, she decided she'd go. So we planned for her to pick me up at 1:45 for the 2:30 showing. She'd have her 6 year old daughter and her neice, Brooke (who is about 16), with her.

While waiting for Tracy I decided that I'd worn my hair curly for so many months that I wasn't sure how long my hair truly is, so off I headed to the bathroom to flat iron my hair and kill time. Halfway through I looked up in the corner of the room, by the ceiling, and saw IT: the Roach of Impending Doom! The thing was HUGE! Now picture it fully: there I was halfway through doing my hair, so I had half straight/half frizzy curly piled on top of my head with what's left of my bangs in clips, and suddenly I was shaking like a leaf running circles in my bedroom squealing. Yeah, Sprinkles knew at this point that his master was truly insane, AND now it was confirmed for me as well! I just don't do roaches (or spiders for that matter or crickets now that I think of it).

So I ran out to my couch unsure of how to proceed. I first called maintenence to schedule a exterminator (they should call tomorrow). Oh and while they're at it, perhaps they can unclog one of my bathroom sinks (why I use both of them I have no idea) and fix it since it's clogged and leaking. That would take care of future roaches, but the one in my bathroom had now set up a tent and hammock to stay for a while.

The vacuum cleaner next caught my eye and for a brief moment I considered using the tube to suck up said roach. Then the thought of the flippin' thing running down the tube and onto my arm made me about vomit, so I went to trusty google: "how to kill giant roach". Yes, I used the word giant just so google would know how seriously big this roach was. I found numerous sites where people like me wanted to know how to kill a large roach without guts getting everywhere or without the possibility of touching it. All solutions sounded rather iffy for a short girl on a ladder, so I tried to call Paul. Paul was not around, so I went to my next solution... sit on the couch and tear up at the prospect of gross roach now having sole ownership of my bathroom. I decided I should at least know where the roach was, so I got the broom and closed the bathroom door enough to be able to see in the bathroom from the bedroom using the mirror on the door. Hey at least I was slightly smart about that since peeking around the door into the bathroom gave me nightmares of the roach jumping on me.

Whilst sitting on the couch I decided that Tracy is about the strongest friend I know, so I proceeded to call her. She told me that the one thing she doesn't do is roaches. Well poop. Then she told me all sorts of things that made me freak out more (about eggs, infestations, stuff in my bed, trying to kill it and guts and bugs on me and EWWWW!) and made me squeal into the phone in a tone I'm sure only dogs can hear, "Traaacccccy!!!! You're just making it worse!" and hang up.

Back to bathroom mirror. Yep, he was still there and gross. *squeal* I looked at the clock, and it was 1:15. No way I was going to get my hair finished and come up with a roach solution before 1:45, so I texted Tracy to tell her I couldn't go to the movies for my previously mentioned reasons. Thankfully that made her decide to come to my rescue.

Enter Tracy, my new hero! She came in laughing with a can of Raid (which she politely left with me just in case). She, Brooke, and I went and braved the bathroom while Sprinkles and Tracy's DD stayed in the living room safe from the fumes. OK when I say "braved the bathroom" that was more Tracy's bit. Here's how it went. Tracy went in and sprayed the roach while I screamed (and I mean SCREAMED) in the bedroom. Then all hell broke loose.

You need a little background in case you've never seen my apartment. My bathroom is cute. I've got a huge vanity with double sinks, so I've got neat stuff for organization across the counter. This includes a lamp for Sprinkles (the lights are too hot when left on when he's in there during the day), a large pink box of hair supplies, a mug of make up brushes, 2 mini hat boxes of make up, a container for my contacts (since I use dailies), a mug for my toothbrush and paste, a cute dish for my contact cases (since I open new ones ONCE a day!), and a decorative perfume bottle, ohhh AND a bottle of glitter (you know, in case my day needs a bit more magic). All that said and done, the hair stuff box and one of the makeup boxes, among other items, don't have lids. See where this is going?

The roach FELL into my hair supplies box. (more screaming) Immediately I said that was ok and I would toss the whole box. Then Tracy realized it was in one of my make up boxes. Whew! That stuff would be way less expensive to replace since my perfume and such was in the other box. Then we decided we weren't sure where it was until (OMG!) stuff started *moving* in the make up box! At this point I was squated down in my bedroom, peering into the bathroom, all out squealing something along the lines of "EEEEEEEE!!!! TRAAAAACCCCCCYYYYY!!!" over and over again! Brooke was laughing her head off, and Tracy was just about as freaked out as me but hiding it much better. I'm not a screamer usually btw.

So now what? I said we could just toss that box, but I had to work up the nerve to peek in it to see what I'd need to replace. Done (with more squealing). Tracy insisted that we needed to kill the roach, so she slowly handed me everything else from my countertop. It all went on the bed. Last to go was the 2 mini hat boxes of makeup, top one with roach inside. Tracy dropped it off the top of the stack, and the roach fell out. (WAAAAY more screaming!) She handed me the lower make up box which had roach guts on the outside, so make up got dumped on my bed and that box went into the trash. Then she said she needed a shoe. I think this is the point where I screamed again just out of sheer panic as she walked back into the bathroom and scared her so bad that she about killed me because she thought it was on her! After much deliberation my pink sneaker took the hit. Into the trash it went (they were old anyways). After the shoe the makeup box with makeup that the roach landed in went into the trash bag. Then Tracy kindly cleaned up the REALLY dead roach. Yeah. Ew.

Now what am I doing? Well I've replaced the makeup, which I really didn't have the money for, but there was NO way I could touch all that again. After the movie (awesome!), we went and got bleach for me to clean the counters and walls with. Did you know I don't keep bleach in my apartment? Mom messed up too many pieces of my clothing growing up, so my policy has always been that to use bleach you should be able to open the bottle and swing it around your head without ruining anything. I made an exception for this. I have new makeup bins. They're not as cute, but they're neat, and they were only a dollar at Target. I also have a can of roach spray just in case, but I think we can all agree that this was just a migrating roach who was alone, without family, just passing through, and I will not see another. RIGHT?! Let's all agree on that now! The other pink sneaker is waiting just in case though. Finally I'm finishing laundry, so I can wash my bedsheets since I put what I thought was clean stuff on my bed. Can't be too sure. Oh yeah, and I'm Cloroxing all the items that were on my countertop. Ugh.

Life Lesson Learned: True friends will come do something that they HATE when you are incapacitated with fear, and they'll laugh with you while you scream and after you scream and when it's all over. Tracy is one of the best friends I've encountered. Thank God for her. Heaven knows without her I'd be packing the car to head to GA tomorrow! Seriously. One day I hope to repay the favor, but I'd prefer it to not have to do with bugs. :-D

*Oh and in case you're wondering: My hair is still half curly/half straight right now. I think I can rock this look at least until work tomorrow. ;-)


  1. Be sure to pour some of that bleach down the sinks of your vanity and in the toilet and down the bath tub/shower drain. Also, just pour some down any drain in the apartment. Glad you are safe and secure now!

  2. I understand!! Roaches are the bug that I just can't do! Sometime in college I woke my Daddy up in the middle of the night to take care of one that decided to move into my bathroom. (Personally, I think it's genetic, cause my Mom has a good roach horror story too.)

    Glad ya'll got rid of it!