I Wrote a 3 Page Blog Update...

...in Word and saved it to my desktop. It's still sitting there, subtly titled "Blog", waiting to be posted. I think that's where I'm going to leave it. That entry was like free therapy more than anything.

You all know I'm open and honest... bluntly so at my worst, but for some reason I've let a simple Google search come between me and updating. See, I look at my blog, and I see that's it's 4 years old. Before that I was on Xanga, and it's possible that I was somewhere else blogging before that. Sad, isn't it, when you actually lose track of where your virtual diaries are? Heh. Back to Google: you've Google'd yourself right? We all have at some point or another. I have spent years happily masked by "Joan Crawford", the actress. Thank you, ma'am, even though our first names are not the same, I am still fairly anonymous unless I want to be found. The other day, I realized all that had changed.

Ever try to Google the user name that you typically use? For some of you, it's not a big deal: your typical user name is a band or something fairly vague that doesn't turn up just you. Google "everydaymathchick" though... go ahead... I'll wait. I'll just sit here and look out the window at all the pretty clouds and SQUIRREL! (Hmm, I want to watch Up again.) How's the search going? Oh while you're doing that, do an image search. (By the way, no Google, I don't mean every day math chick!) Yeah, see my smiling face? Joan Crawford can't hide me now. You can see a bunch of DISigns and go straight to my DISboards design threads. You can see what I looked like when I dyed my hair black again after the pink highlights. (Yes, you can also see my toilet behind me from when I took that goofy picture!) You can also, most importantly, find my blog... easily. That's the issue with having a unique screen name that you use in most places. I use the same name on dating sites as I use here and on message boards. Oh, now you're starting to see my panic, yes?

I don't mind being out there really. What I do mind is that my blog details my struggles with weight loss (still working on it) which my last "guy" found and nagged me about asking if I was going to keep losing weight and saying I was cute now but would be HOT when I reached my goal (yes, I cried a lot over that one). I posted about my weight loss journey to help others doing the same thing and to update my friends and family. (By the way, I do look cute as I am. I'm not, by any means, huge, but I do want to lose more weight.) I'm not superficial, but I am human. I guess I don't want someone superficial anyways. Beyond that one period of time though, there's TONS of Joanna information on this blog. It chronicles my growth as a person over 4 years!

Here's my fear... someone getting to know me Googles me by screen name. They read 2006 and make judgements from it about who I am today. Not so cool, right? Is that a legitimate fear even? Is anyone that unintelligent to think I'm the same now as I was 4 years ago?

Part of me laments the idea of killing my blog. I like to go back and read where I was and how I've grown. The cute posts of Sprinkles still make me smile. Part of me wants to delete the whole thing though. For now, it stays, but I'm still keeping my saved blog post to myself. ;-)

Side note for those of you who are curious:
My blog post was about my fear of abandonment (not by my family or friends at this point but by those I am in a relationship with or starting a relationship with). It's a big fear that has been reinforced. Life goes on though, and I think honesty in a relationship helps solve a lot... as well as not playing mind games. I don't do that.

On another side note:
There's another user name where you can find all my ToonTown activities *fast* but we'll save that one for another day. :-D

I'm not sure I know how to blog anymore

Seriously, it's been since November since I posted a blog update?! Wow. I used to update weekly and now... nothing. I think I've gotten busier with real life, and I've just had less to say online. Twitter and Facebook updates are my new home. Honestly, isn't it better when Joanna is limited to 140 characters? ;)

In my absence spammers have taken over my blog. *ugh* I mean come on spammers - do you really think that anyone is going to click on your links? Really? Viagra, sex, and gambling? (Yes, those are the spammy comments my innocent, happy blog keeps getting!) No thanks - we're not buying it. I've turned on those annoying word verification things for comments. (Side rant - If we're being truthful, which I always am here, I have a hard time with those word verifications. I mean, it looks like an O, but that dot is in a place that maybe it's a Q.... does it matter if I capitalize the letter? Is that a lower case L or the number 1? Incorrect verification? Again? ARGH! Curses on word verification!) Sorry. I feel your pain. :D I've also turned on comment moderation which means your comment won't show up if I don't like what you have to say. In other words, sell your viagra, sex, and gambling elsewhere 'cause I ain't postin' it up in here! Boo Ya!

Granted I don't really blog much anymore, so the chances of you having something to comment on are slim to none. I am going to try to clean up the "anonymous" comments that have wormed their way on here thus far. Who knows, maybe I'll dust off my blog and start writing again. I used to have a knack for it...

If you're bored - check out some of the sites I do frequent (and are worth passing on):
Bakerella - Make your own yummy cake balls and get great baking ideas from her!
Cake Wrecks - Jen leaves me laughing until I cry most times I read this! Besides it encourages me daily to make sure my cakes aren't wrecks (and scares me to death if they end up as them)!
The DIS - I'm letting my Disney freak flag fly! I've got over 1000 posts over there as everydaymathchick. Wouldn't plan a Disney trip without these boards.
My Twitter - This is where I'm at (yo!), and I'm limited to 140 characters which I'm sure we can all appreciate. ;)

Updating When I Should Sleep

Don't ask me why, but I'm totally updating when I should be sleeping. I clicked over here from my Twitter profile and was looking at my blog, and I realized it just really needs a quick update.

I haven't kept ya'll updated on my weight loss. I am still losing. I've hit the 33 pounds lost mark. I'll take it. :) I'm eager for more to come off, but that takes me refocusing a lot.

I'm amazed at how many pieces of clothing I put on that are too big. I've got 2 pairs of jeans that fit. The others start to fall off after I wear them for 30 minutes or so. I constantly am adding to the pile of shirts in the bottom of the closet that are too big. Thankfully a lot of winter tops that were too small last year look amazing now, so I'm still not having to really clothing shop (thanks to hand me downs as well). It's such a change to pick what I'm wearing based on what's not too big instead of what's too small. I don't mind though. My waredrobe is dwindling, and sometimes I go to work looking like a ragamuffin, but at least I'm a much smaller ragamuffin!

I used to say I couldn't really see the difference in me yet. I can see it in pictures now. (I think I'm close to be able to see it in the mirror now which I know sounds insane.) The one along the side of this blog makes me want to gag. This weekend I was looking on Facebook at pics from our January Disney Trip to share with someone, and I thought, "I really should print these finally for my album." I don't like how I looked in any of the pictures. Those shirts were XL, and now if I wear an XL it's to work out, or I've got to tie it at the waist like a teenage girl! I look back at those pics and wonder how I ever thought looking like that was ok. Disney (both trips) were amazingly happy memories of mine. I just wish my body had been as "happy."

Anyways, I'm still losing - slowly but surely - when I'm not having my setbacks. Last week was really bad, but I'm back on it this week. I've started running 3 mornings a week with a friend, and thankfully the effects of all my working out this summer haven't disappeared. I can run for 2 minutes solid when I push myself, so I interval train those days (walking and running). I'm trying to come up with a routine that works during the school year. 2-3 hours in the gym a day this summer wasn't so bad really, but I just don't have that many hours in my day anymore (and Sprinkles would miss me too much). :)

Anyways, like I said, just needed to do a quick update. My bed and fuzzy blanket are screaming my name. May God bless you all.

Quick Update

I realize I haven't posted about my weight loss lately, so I should probably do that since people keep asking. I just want to state, I started at 236 pounds. That's a LOT of weight on a 5'1" frame. My weight loss journey feels rather epic right now since I want to get down to 150. I'm at 210 right now. I'm thankful I'm catching this now and losing weight now instead of getting heavier.

As of today I've lost right at 26 pounds. I want to have lost an even 30 by the time school starts again (4 weeks from now). The last 4 pounds have taken me all summer - about 6 weeks. It's been a battle to say the least. I'm counting on it being easier to start really losing again once I get back to work. It's easier when I'm working because I'm not able to go out to lunch instead of eating my healthy cooked meal. I'm more hungry for dinner after work because it's been a long day, so I'm not tempted to skip a real dinner (which can hurt your weight loss). I also have actual bells going off all day that help me meet goals like drinking 3 cups of water between each set of bells. I never thought I'd be able to lose weight during the school year, but more and more this summer I'm realizing how much easier it is while working.

When I'm working, I'm on my feet mostly all day, and I'm burning more calories. To counteract the loss of activity this summer, I've started working out. I think I've been going about 3 weeks now. I try to do 5K on the treadmill daily. I'm gradually getting faster at it and less self conscious about it. At first I really hated how much sweat was produced by my work out, but now I don't care because it means my body isn't so hot while I work out! I also had horrid shin splints when I started, but those are really calming down. It's nice to see my body changing.

Today my shoe and sock were rubbing painfully against one of my heels, so I paused my treadmill to fix it. When I went to start the treadmill again, I hit the stop button which reset my treadmill 0.45 miles from the end of my 5K... I gave up and stopped. I did, however, use the time I skipped on the treadmill to start my weight training for my arms. I'm not doing weights on my legs (for now) because they're big enough, but my arms could use some strength and some muscle. I'll do that every other day now.

My biggest fear is that my body is getting too used to my workout, and now that's contributing to my plateau. I like doing 5K a day because I can watch for improvement. I have a set goal. I know I shouldn't let my body get used to my workout though. Maybe I should try a 5K program that works with interval training to get me running the 5K. I might look for something like that.

OK, so biggest surprise lately for me -- even when you eat a salad at a restaurant, the sodium levels are still waaaay higher than something you would make at home. Salt intake is something I am really noticing makes a HUGE difference.

Another surprise has come about today. When I was in the weight section, there were mirrors all over, and I could really get a look at myself. Today I randomly grabbed a size L shirt to workout in (I usually stick to XL for workouts even though I can comfortably wear a L now and look nice), and I was wearing fairly skin tight to the knees workout pants. Normally catching a glimpse of my full length reflection would cause me to shudder and turn away. In fact, I don't have a full length mirror in my apartment. Today though, I stopped and looked, and I could REALLY see the changes in my body! I'm not under 200 pounds yet, but I'm happy with the changes -- not happy with my body yet, but happy it's changing.

Biggest thing I'm not going to miss - back fat rolls. Sorry, was that TMI? TOO BAD! They're pretty much gone now, and I LOVE my smooth back! :-)

Thank you for all the support you have all shown to me. All the compliments and comments about me "shrinking" really help. I'm doing this for me, but it's great when others notice, and it really keeps me going. :) Thanks again!

Joanna: Now 10% LESS!

I realize that with all the help problems with Sprinkles and the end of the school year I haven't updated my blog with weight loss info for a while, so that's what this post is about.

If you noticed my blog title and you thought about it a bit, you'd realize I've reached my first goal: I have lost (a little over) 10% of my body weight! That's 23.8 pounds lost (0.2 pounds over 10%). I wanted to lose 10% by the end of school (from Spring Break until then), and I did! I can't even begin to describe to you the overwhelming joy I feel from this!

People are really noticing my weight loss and asking me about it. It feels great, and the encouragement I gain from people asking what I'm doing does wonders for me! I bought some new shirts in a smaller size the other day, and I'm fitting into my size large school shirts again now. I can deal with pants that are too big, but the huge shirts drive me insane!

My next goal is 40 pounds total by the end of summer. I've got 10 weeks to hit this goal, and I really think I can do it. Today was the first real day of summer (although I'm working for the next 6 work days on curriculum writing for the school and then for the district), and I spent the day enjoying more sleep and figuring out how to still get in enough water when I don't have small water goals from bell to bell. Sprinkles always takes a while to adjust to me not getting up early in the summer, so he woke me up around 6:30 for a walk. Oh well... it was extra exercise before it got too hot! I'm looking forward to finding the new gym in my complex this summer and joining the Lewisville library, so I'll have new stuff to read while I'm on the treadmill.

OK so I'm happy about losing weight; Sprinkles seems to be on the mend for real this time; summer is here! Life is good. :)

People ask me some questions about my weight loss that I thought I'd address at the end of this post:

Q: What are you doing to lose weight?
A: South Beach, no exercise yet. I've said this so much I'm sick of saying it! People, do I need to wear a sign? I could swear I've told just about everyone now...

Q: South Beach? How did you find out about it? Did you buy the book? Can you send me food lists?
A: Part of any diet working is you doing the legwork yourself so you understand why you're doing what you're doing. I bought the book at a half-price bookstore, and I read it completely cover to cover. I understand how and why South Beach works which helps give me more motivation to keep going. If I send you a food list, you won't understand the how and why and are more likely to decide little changes/cheats are ok and the diet won't work for you. Then you think South Beach failed... but honestly it was really you not getting it. Besides, there's a little thing called Google. If you really insist on getting the food list instead of shelling out less than $10 on the book in a used book store, then google "south beach food lists" and find them yourself. It's not that I don't want to help you or that I don't want you to do South Beach; I just want you to have all the tools you need to succeed.

Q: Wow, how do you have such good will power?!
A: It came from the 2 weeks on Phase I. It was sort of a detox from carbs and sugar. Now if I eat ice cream or cake it's because I want to do so not because the craving is so bad that I can't resist. I choose if I'm going to "cheat" and I realize that real life happens, and I can't always not eat "bad" stuff. I don't miss white rice, white bread, and potatoes most days. Sometimes I miss cake a bit, but every few weeks someone has a cake for something and I snag a small piece. :) I don't think it's will power -- I think it's that my body has reset itself.

Q: I can really tell how much weight you've lost! Can you tell?
A: Honestly typically I can't tell at all. I know my clothing is looser. I know logically that the 23.8 pounds had to come from somewhere, so I should be able to see it's gone. But... I look in the mirror, and usually I don't see it. Every once and a while I get a glimpse and see that my stomach is smaller and my face is slimming down, but it's not something I constantly notice. So... yes, I depend on you, my friends, to tell me you can tell a difference! lol. I can't wait to see my parents in August, so they can see the change in me (haven't seen them since April). I really can't wait to see my extended family at Christmas because by then my weight loss is going to be super obvious.

Q: How much do you want to lose?
A: 86 pounds, at least. That's 36% of my starting weight, and I'm about one-fourth of the way there now.

Q: Energy level still high?
A: Yes. The improvements to my energy level is only getting higher each day. I love it! I still take the occasional nap, but lately that more from the evenings with Sprinkles being sick or me staying up worrying about him. Usually I'm ok without naps. Wonder if that will change once I start exercising or if I'll get more energy...

Anyways, there's an update on my weight loss. I'm still going strong and still on South Beach. :)

Sprinkles is Home!!

Sprinkles got to come home this evening. The good news -- he did GREAT at the vet (no vomiting or diarreha), and he did well with the IV. The bad news -- the final bill was around $530. Holy crow -- that's about $200 more than I expected! Argh. I'm still spinning a bit from that, but it would have been soooo much more if I hadn't had the Wellness Plan and if he'd gone to the ER vet. If this is what it took him to get healthy, so be it.

Thankfully he's home without any meds to force into him. The vet wants him on the food he refused to eat for the next month, but we're trying it in dry form. He said that if Sprinkles is hungry, he'll eat, so I'm not to give him anything else. Fair 'nuff... hope that works!

He seemed very very happy to see me when I picked him up, and he was more than happy to jump in the car and cuddle in my lap until we got home. Once back in the apartment he ran around checking everything out. Right now he's draped across the top of the couch napping. Hopefully we're out of the woods, and he's fine. :) Thanks for the prayers. Continue to pray that he doesn't relapse. :)

Update on Sprinkles & Biopsy

I decided a post to update on my family's health would be good, so here we go. For starters, this evening I noticed I had a message on my phone, and when I checked it, it was the nurse from the dermatologist. The spot they removed was a normal mole -- no cancer, nothing abnormal. Hurray! Thank you all for your prayers and kind words. That was super scary, and I'm glad it's over. I'm going to continue getting screened every 6 months to a year (as you all should), and I'm going to stay pale... and healthy. :)

On to Sprinkles! I'm going to sum up what's happened thus far (for those of you who don't see my facebook status updates) and then move on to where we're at now. Also, I'm going to speak fairly frankly about what's happened with him, so don't eat and read this!

The evening of May 21st Sprinkles starting having bad diarrhea and vomited some. On the 22nd he spent the day at the vet. While his energy was a bit lower when I dropped him off, he thankfully was not dehydrated. They did run quite a few tests and $250 later he was diagnosed with a tummy infection (like a stomach flu) and was on a couple of antibiotics (pill form). He was also supposed to be on a prescription canned food for a while, but he wouldn't touch that, so I ended up having to cook chicken and rice for him.

About 4 days later, Sprinkles and I ended up back at the vet for the opposite reason as before -- nothing was coming out! A $30 enema later, he was fine with no apparent reason for the constipation. Frustrating but ok.

From that visit 2 Tuesdays ago to Tuesday this week, Sprinkles had high energy, was playful, and ate well. However, Monday night he started to have some diarrhea again. That Saturday he vomited a bit as well, so as much as I wanted to think he was healing, I knew something was not right, so I dropped him off at the vet on Tuesday. Now, I need to mention that Tuesdays are the only day my normal vet isn't in, so both times I had to see a different vet who I now know I really really don't prefer. Anyways, she diagnosed him with a sensitive stomach and sent us home with another $30 of meds to aid digestion and suggested a food for sensitive stomachs (although not a specific one -- just told me to find one that said that on the shelf, so I went with IAMS).

That brings us up to today, Thursday. This morning right as I was about to leave for work, Sprinkles had a bout of diarrhea and vomited. It all looked like the rice he ate the night before -- not really digested. Thinking that meant I should quit transitioning him slowly (since the rice wasn't agreeing with him), I gave him dry food for breakfast (and his meds). He gobbled it all up. I came back home an hour or so later and checked on him, and he was fine. Sometime between 9:15 am and 4:45 pm, he vomited all of his breakfast into the bathtub (convenient, eh?). I called the vet (the one I like spoke to me personally), and he said to bring Sprinkles in.

Have I mentioned that I was so worried the first visit to the vet that I sobbed at the reception desk when I got there? No? Yeah, this visit was much the same. I cried the whole time the vet talked to me. (OK, and I cried for about 45 minutes after I left the vet.) I'm worried, but more than that I'm frustrated! I just want him to get better and be healthy. The vet said that he was glad to see Sprinkles with such high energy. That's a good sign. If it was life threatening, his energy level would be way low. He thinks that Sprinkles has not gotten over the stomach infection yet, and that his stomach/bowel is very irritated by the food right now. He said that it's all working like a hose and just letting out (one way or another) what goes in instead of absorbing the food's nutrients and the medicines we're giving him. His almost $400 solution is that Sprinkles needs to stay at the vet for 48 hours on IV fluids and antibiotics. I am going for this solution. They are not going to feed him, so his stomach and such will have time to heal. He will stay hydrated, and they will observe him. I'll have daily updates and have him home by Saturday evening.

I cried a lot this afternoon from the worry and frustration but also from leaving Sprinkles. He's constantly with me when I'm home -- I mean at my feet, laying on me, following me, in my face, with me. It's weird to be here without him, and I don't like it. He'll also be alone at the vet for some hours in the night, and it makes me sad to think about him alone in a cage. The vet seemed confident that this is what Sprinkles needs to get better, and I have to trust that. I have to feel positive that Sprinkles' energy is still normal to high, and the vet says this is not life threatening but is something we have to fix asap.

So that's where we're at. I'm trying to look at this as an opportunity. I was able to clean the mess in the bathroom without puppy dog underfoot. I can work tomorrow and not have to come home between noon, when the kids leave, and 5 pm, when our staff dinner starts, to let him out and feed him. I can sleep in on Saturday without someone jumping on me. I also called maintenance to snack my bathtub while Sprinkles isn't taking up residence there.

I'm trying to ignore the lonely feeling and dread I'm feeling at going to bed without him lying on my feet. I was very comforted that the vet said, "You and Sprinkles are valued clients. I've worked with you for years, and I know how much Sprinkles means to you. I will do my best to care for him and help him." OK -- him saying that made me cry more (poor man), but it helped.

Again I am writing this knowing my friends and family will read it. Sprinkles needs your immediate prayers. He needs healing and to be able to get back to normal. My pocketbook needs healing from this -- lol. (I do want to take this moment to say that the Wellness Plan at Banfield is top notch. I would have and would be paying a LOT more without the plan, and the emergency vet would have bankrupted me.) I need my baby back healthy. Please pray for healing and a long term solution for his sensitive stomach. I think what's happening now is a relapse from the original illness, and we need prayers that when I get him home, I can feed him what he needs to settle his stomach and avoid another relapse. Please pray for him and me.